Last week I spoke about my Relationship Insecurities on my Facebook page. I mentioned that self-love played a big part in my healing. I’d love to share with you some of what I did to heal my heart and rebuild my self-worth, which has enabled me to experience a deeply satisfying relationship with my hubby, Andy.
For those who don’t know my story, self-love was not something that came naturally to me. Having grown up with eczema over most of my body, I disliked my appearance and often wished I were someone else. A lifetime of comparison can create a vulnerable mind and this is what I experienced.
For many years I looked for external validation, hoping to find the love and intimacy I yearned for, however no-one really measured up. It wasn’t that my expectations were too high; I was trying to attract a loving partner, which was a very different vibration to how I felt inside.
I continued the affirmations and mirror work, which I’d been doing for many years, however I stopped trying to be positive every time I was triggered. I stopped avoiding the feelings that bought up pain and instead faced my fears and insecurities.
These are some of the actions I took:
- Some days I cried and fully felt my fears. These days were tough.
- Other days I’d walk and vent either to a good friend or to myself. I’d say how I truly felt. No sugar coating the situation, I called it as it was. Some days this bought me to my knees, so afraid of what could be.
- After the tears subsided, I’d begin speaking to myself kindly. This would sound like, ‘Tracy, I love you; you’re good enough; you’ve got this or it’s okay’. Or, I’d ask myself questions like, ‘What do you need right now?’, ‘How can I help you?’ These questions were usually aimed at my inner child, as she was often feeling alone or fearful. Her answers were, ‘I need a hug; tell me you love me; let’s go to the park and go really high on the swings’. I’d honour what she asked for.
- There were times I got really angry, I’d scream and yell into my pillow. This is such a powerful tool if you’re someone who struggles to voice your opinion and you want to get things off your chest! Sometimes I didn’t even feel angry when I’d start this exercise, however I would simply mention a situation that was annoying me and see where it took me. At times I’d be surprised at the venom that would arise.
- I hadn’t realized there was a step prior to forgiveness, which was to acknowledge what I truly felt. I had tried to be all ‘spiritual and loving’ for a long time. It was actually really freeing to acknowledge how angry I was; it felt so empowering.
- I’d journal and get everything out of my mind and onto paper. This is really helpful if you have a busy mind and find yourself analysing situations a lot. When our thoughts are swirling around in our head, it can be really difficult to differentiate between ego and intuition. Writing it all down can make things so much clearer.
- I continued to do my mirror work and affirmations and I began to notice that I was being more compassionate to myself. There was less judgment and comparison and in their place was empathy, kindness and a gentleness, which I hadn’t consistently given to myself before.