Are You Part Of The Rushing Epidemic?
Do you think you might be part of the Rushing Epidemic? Time and time again, I come across women who are rushing. They’re trying to fit more in, achieve more success, tick more off their ‘to do’ list and it doesn’t matter how much they achieve, they still feel they haven’t done enough.
This is just one example…
You’re in the kitchen preparing dinner. Your daughter is sitting at the table completing her homework. The phone rings, you pick it up. You manage to hold the phone on your shoulder, jammed up against your face while you stir the dinner simmering on the stove. Just then your daughter needs help. You shimmy over beside her, look at what she’s doing, mouth an answer to her question, while ‘aha-ing’ your friend on the phone. The sharp smell of something burning reaches your nose. You look to the stove and with dismay realise your dinner is burning. Your daughter is in tears and you are now fully flustered. You tell your friend you have to go, hang up the phone, turn off the stove and race over to your daughter. You try to console her, as she explains how she just can’t do the equations the teacher has asked of her.
After consoling your daughter, you turn back to the kitchen and grab a frozen meal from the freezer. You don’t like them, but it will have to do – the kids need to be fed. You’ve still got the PTA notes to collate and send out this evening and you have just remembered you offered to cook a meal for a friend who is going through a tough time.
It’s going to be another late night, but it will be ok. At least you’re being helpful, something good has to come your way soon…
You’re trying, doing the best you can, but nothing seems to go smoothly. You’re often frazzled. You give so much to everyone, but inside ask yourself ‘what about me? Why won’t anyone help me?’
Sound familiar? Maybe you don’t have this exact same scenario, but the feelings and the way you operate are similar.
You rush, give so much to others and do very little for yourself.
If this resonates and you’re ready for things to change, keep reading!
We teach people how to treat us by the way we show up in the world.
Do people see you constantly saying yes, putting others needs before your own, staying late to sort problems, keeping silent, speaking to yourself harshly or, on the other hand, do they see you speaking your truth, putting your needs first, having early nights, delegating, eating well, or doing things that make you happy?
Your actions towards yourself have a direct effect on how people treat you. If you would like people to support you more, begin to support yourself. Speak kindly to yourself, take time out and ultimately, be good to you. There are many little actions that you can take, that will alter the way people treat you. Quite often you’ll find it has nothing to do with getting others to change; it’s all about your relationship with self.
As you begin to honour yourself more, your self-worth grows and from this space, you begin to believe in yourself and know your worth. You’re no longer willing to be the doormat people walk all over.
You won’t have to tell people to respect you; they will feel it. Have you ever noticed a woman who knows her worth? She is respected, because she respects herself and if someone doesn’t respect her, she doesn’t make it mean she’s useless. She believes in herself way too much for that nonsense. Think about the way you treat someone you admire and care for yourself in this manner too.
As you begin to respect yourself more, the trust you have in yourself will grow too. You’ll honour your intuition and stand by the decisions you make. You’ll have the courage to lovingly stand up for what you believe in. You’ll set boundaries, without having to explain why. They’ll no longer be power and control games, because you won’t have to fight to get your point across, instead you’ll come from a more wise and grounded space.
Finally allow yourself to receive. Quite often we want people to help us, but we’re not willing to let go of the control. It can be uncomfortable to sit back and let other people do things for us. Here are three reasons why:
- You don’t believe they’ll do the job to your standard. I call this ‘control snobbery’. Think about it; someone’s offers to help you and when they finish, you scrutinise what they’ve done and feel they haven’t done a good enough job. Sometimes you may even say it. Where’s the gratitude in that?!
- You find receiving uncomfortable. When someone offers to do the dishes or cook dinner, you struggle to sit and relax. Or, when someone volunteers to take a project off your hands at work, you either end up helping them or filling the time up with more work, when you could have taken some time for yourself.
- You allow guilt to fog your view. Guilt is usually followed by comments that begin with ‘I should.’ The word ‘should’ is a big sign that you’re doing things that don’t float your boat. Sometimes ‘should actions’ have an ulterior motive – it will make you look good, or you’re hoping someone might do something for you, or you feel bad because you didn’t do something and you’re trying to make up for how you’re feeling. Actions which are driven by guilt/ulterior motives often come crashing down. They don’t fix the guilt. What fixes guilt is having compassion for oneself or others. Whenever you feel guilty, delve inwards to discover what’s underneath and be kind to yourself.
If it feels uncomfortable to do nothing, to delegate and accept help, it means you need to do it more. It is time we slowed down and stopped being martyrs and began to receive gracefully.
So this month, honour yourself. You deserve to be loved and supported, just as much as anyone else. What’s one new habit that you could begin, which will allow you to slow down and open you up to receiving?
Tracy Manu is a coach, mentor, speaker and truth seeker, who supports extraordinary women to create lives they truly, deeply love. Keen to learn more? Book your free consult today.